House Passes Historical Pork Filled Plan

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The Democrats are smoking crack again. They heard that there was a meat shortage coming, so they plan to give away a whole mountain of fresh pork, expecting the next generation to pay for it all. Drugs or insanity are the only explanations for the bizarre little world of their own that progressive liberals live in. They can’t find the money to clean the crap off their sidewalks but they can throw away trillions of taxpayer dollars without batting an eye. Nancy Pelosi and her fellow Democrats are ecstatic that they broke a historic spending record when they crossed the $3 trillion mark.

More pork than ever before in a single package

Political analysts are calling it “the most expensive legislation” in history. Democrats couldn’t be happier if the pleasure center of their brains were wired into light sockets. “I’m thrilled,” Nancy Pelosi giggled. “I’m so proud of my members. They just did something so monumental for the American people.” The Speaker of the House just saddled her grandkids with a mountain of debt, which will be paid by the kind of inflation that has Venezuelans using any bill with less than three zeros on it for toilet paper. “We couldn’t be more thrilled,” she added, eying the light socket.

Republicans call the free stuff giveaway “pork,” which means spending based entirely on special interests. On Friday evening, the House of Representatives unleashed their plans to buy their way out of the economic disaster. They’re already leveraging the historic Troubled Asset Relief Plan backed by Joe Biden as a model. When taxpayers got stuck cleaning up “the carnage from the subprime lending disaster and the collapse of the housing market” in 2010, Biden insisted, “we are just going to have to spend our way out of bankruptcy.” Everyone saw how that turned out.

There was only one Republican passing the crack pipe around on the House floor. RINO Representative Pete King of New York is all for it. Another record shattering moment came when a whole herd of fourteen Democrats went DINO. They took Nancy Regan’s advice and said “no.” Generally, Democrats vote shoulder to shoulder in one solid block. To have that many break ranks is noteworthy.

Not like the first round

The first round of four bills related to the crisis all had overwhelming support on both sides because they provide what everyone agreed was necessary relief. It’s a bitter pill to swallow and expensive too but nobody could argue too much about the need to spend what was spent, why, or where it went. This time is totally different. The bill cooked up in the House kitchen is so full of pork it squeals.

The measure itself runs almost two thousand pages. Nobody will read the whole thing for years and that will be scholars trying to figure out what happened. If it manages to make it through the Senate, which is dubious, the president has already promised to dispose of it in his wastebasket. The “liberal wish list” is expected to be DOA when it arrives in the Senate.

All of the democrat party planks are rolled up in one big pork enchilada. “The legislation includes student loan forgiveness, an employee retention tax credit and increases maximum SNAP benefits by 15 percent.” One thing that really cheeses off the Republicans in the Senate is the fact that the Democrats want to give $1,200 checks “to certain undocumented immigrants.” Also they want “a $25 billion rescue for the U.S. Postal Service, allowing legal marijuana businesses to access banking services and early voting and vote-by-mail provisions.”

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Making the pork easier to swallow

Hoping the name might make all the pork easier to swallow, they called their scheme the HEROES act. Most of the first trillion goes to “state and local aid that could prevent layoffs of public workers, like first responders and teachers.” A quick couple billion is earmarked for “hazard pay for essential workers.”

Schools are closed for the rest of this year and maybe even into the next but that doesn’t stop Democrats from handing them $100 billion now. They devote another $75 billion to virus testing. The rest of the money goes to more stimulus payments direct to citizens. Not all of them though. “Eligible individuals would receive $1,200 checks for each person in their household, up to $6,000.”

It also boosts unemployment benefits of $600 in addition to state benefits through January 2021, creates a special enrollment period for the Affordable Care Act exchanges for the uninsured and provides $175 billion for families to pay their mortgages and rent.

None of the Democrats want to acknowledge what stands out like a neon sign to Republicans, its all pork. “So much of what’s in this bill simply has nothing at all to do with the current crisis.” According to Oklahoma’s Tom Cole, “It’s more like a liberal Christmas wish list. It would make more sense to just send it straight to Santa Claus than to send it to the United States Senate. It would have a better chance of becoming law that way.”

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