Breaking: ISIS Terrorists Discovered

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It’s a good thing that Qatar has extra-alert security at Al Udeid Air Base. Their screeners detected an ISIS terrorist lurking in the herd of refugees fleeing the Saigon-like chaos in Afghanistan. Here in America they’re ready to let terrorists stroll right in without visas by “bending” the immigration rules with their “humanitarian parole” pry-bar.

Hey! He’s with ISIS!

Security screeners at Al Udeid Air Base put the TSA to shame. Breaking reports from Qatar alerted officials world-wide that their agents “detected that at least one of the Afghan ‘refugees’ has potential ties to ISIS.”

A palace spokesperson grudgingly admitted the report was correct and the suspected terrorist “was evacuated from Kabul Airport.” It’s not like things are confusing there right now or anything, he whines.

The Defense Department has a nifty “Automated Biometric Identification System” that’s been beeping like a timer. It flagged so many individuals they thought they were going to have to turn it off. “There’s certainly been a number of them” who set off alarms.

“Up to 100 of the 7,000 Afghans evacuated identified as prospective recipients of Special Immigration Visas have potential matches to intelligence agency watch lists.” That’s because they’re Taliban, ISIS, or al Qaeda soldiers. Imperial palace officials think they can fix that. They’ll sidestep the visa process with a “parole.” Newsweek says “up to 50,000 Afghans” might be getting one. Other, more progressive outlets admit it will be more like 150,000 when it’s all over.

So far, thousands of Afghans “have been flown to other temporary staging bases throughout the Middle East and Europe.” They all got a free ride on U.S. military aircraft.

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Some of them are likely ISIS terrorists undercover. Al Udeid has processed 6,000 of them so far. “The bottom line is the system is working, but slow in the process.” And missing a terrorist or two.

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Before they’re allowed in

Palace officials are quick to point out that the refugees will be thoroughly vetted before they’re allowed in, just like the ones coming across the southern border. Currently, our border patrol agents can’t detect covid, much less a well covered ISIS sleeper cell.

“The process reportedly involves biometric and biographic security screenings conducted by U.S. intelligence, law enforcement and counterterrorism professionals.” Of course, this “occurs before they’re allowed into the United States.” They hope.

There was no way they could carry out thorough screenings at Hamid Karzai International Airport. Between ISIS terrorists blowing themselves up here and there nearby, and general chaos, Kabul looks a whole lot like Saigon. Just don’t say that around Antony Blinken or he’ll throw something at you.

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There are thousands of screaming Afghanis wanting out now and half of them left their paperwork at home. “The Taliban has reportedly set up checkpoints and they are beating people attempting to reach the airport in order to evacuate.”

“This chaos is speculated to have caused possible mistakes, which is how an individual already evacuated is now being identified with possible ties to ISIS. Now that “more than 63,000 Americans, Afghans, and allied partners fleeing the Taliban’s takeover of Afghanistan” have landed, it’s up to CPB. “Customs and Border Patrol screeners are checking evacuees’ IDs and biometric data against law enforcement databases.”

Now which “Ahmed Mohamed” is the safe one and which one the Taliban commander? That’s tough to figure out when you have 27 of them. “Ultimately, thousands of those Afghans will come to the United States, where they will be initially housed at several military bases, such as Fort Bliss in Texas, Fort McCoy in Wisconsin and Fort Lee in Virginia.” They can babysit the Central American kids.