After Being Caught Lying, Biden Walks it Back


No, Imperial Leader Joe Biden wasn’t lying, his handlers insist. It was just another one of those frequent mental illness incidents where he had no idea what he was saying. In any case, the palace needed the jaws of life to extract his foot from his mouth on Monday. “Facebook isn’t killing people,” he says now, but that’s not what he said Friday.

Biden flips Facebook the bird

By Monday the story flipped like a middle finger. On Friday, Facebook was “killing people.”

Then, the palace told Joe Biden over the weekend that he’s going to get sued worse than Sidney Powell if he keeps pointing the middle finger at Facebook instead of those deplorable Trump supporting Anti-vaxxers. The ones who Joe accused Facebook of allowing to post, by failing in their duty to censor opposition.

When he waffled on Monday, Biden said he “hopes Facebook will do more to fight ‘the outrageous misinformation’ about coronavirus vaccines being spread on its platform.” He’s offended that they were offended, “instead of taking it personally that somehow I’m saying Facebook is killing people.” That is what he said. It’s on record.

When asked “what his message was to platforms like Facebook regarding Covid disinformation,” His Wisdom replied, “They’re killing people. “I mean they really, look, the only pandemic we have is among the un-vaccinated, and that’s — they’re killing people.” He didn’t mean it though. They made sure to spray him down with a spray bottle over it.

You can’t blame Facebook for being a little miffed at Biden. After all, they censor every conservative comment that gets reported. They had a spokesunit complain the company “will not be distracted by accusations which aren’t supported by the facts.”

They’re convinced those “facts show that Facebook is helping save lives.” They reduced their carbon footprint and everything. It seems that the whole mess started back on Thursday.

Flagging ‘problematic posts’

Official Palace Press Minister, Jen Psaki, started the social-media war when she announced that the Palace had started “flagging problematic posts for Facebook that spread disinformation,” and that the government had “proposed changes” to major social media platforms.

“Cmon man,” the platforms screamed. “We work for Biden, why is he criticizing us?” The palace doubled down by standing Surgeon General Vivek Murthy in front of the cameras to proclaim that “Covid misinformation poses an urgent public health threat.” It’s all Facebook’s fault. “He specifically called out social media companies’ product features and algorithms that can drag people ‘deeper and deeper into a well of misinformation.'”

They had to call a special press conference about the non-existent economy as a pretext, hoping the question would come up. Biden was sweating bullets waiting for it. When it finally popped up, he was visibly relieved.

“I’m glad you asked me that question.” He meant it too. He was afraid it would never be asked. He looked straight at the teleprompter and oozed assurance. Before making the accusation, His Wisdom explains, “he had read a report that 60% of the misinformation surrounding Covid vaccines had come from just a dozen social media accounts.”

“Facebook isn’t killing people, these 12 people are out there giving misinformation. Anyone listening to it is getting hurt by it. It’s killing people. It’s bad information,” Biden insists.

He still thinks the corporate censors could work a little harder. “That’s what I meant.” Kamala Harris is smiling from ear-to-ear, recognizing that she may get that promotion she’s been wanting sooner than she thought.